Why Men's Mental Health Matters: Breaking the Silence Around Counselling for Men

Key Takeaways:

• Men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, yet they're far less likely to seek help
• Cultural expectations about masculinity create significant barriers to men accessing mental health support
• Individual counselling provides a safe, non-judgemental space for men to process emotions and break unhealthy patterns
• Trauma therapy can help men address past experiences that may be affecting current relationships and wellbeing
• Early intervention through counselling can prevent mental health issues from escalating

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Table of Contents

1. The Silent Crisis in Men's Mental Health
2. Why Men Don't Seek Counselling (And Why They Should)
3. What Counselling for Men Actually Looks Like
4. Common Issues Men Bring to Therapy
5. How Trauma Affects Men Differently
6. Finding the Right Therapist
7. Taking the First Step
8. Frequently Asked Questions

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The Silent Crisis in Men's Mental Health

There's a persistent myth that needs dismantling: the idea that seeking help is somehow weak or unmanly. The reality? It takes genuine courage to acknowledge when you're struggling and even more to do something about it.

Recent statistics paint a sobering picture of men's mental health in the UK. According to the Office for National Statistics (2024), men accounted for three-quarters of all suicides registered in England and Wales in 2023, with rates highest among men aged 45-49 years. Meanwhile, research from the Mental Health Foundation reveals that only 36% of NHS talking therapy referrals are for men, despite men being significantly more at risk.

This disconnect isn't because men don't experience mental health challenges—it's because they're less likely to talk about them, recognise them, or seek professional support.

I've worked with dozens of male clients over the years, many of whom initially booked that first session with considerable apprehension. What they discovered was that counselling isn't about being told what to do or having your experiences minimised. Instead, it's about creating a space where you can be honest—perhaps for the first time—about what's really going on beneath the surface.

Dr. Martin Seager, consultant clinical psychologist: "The biggest myth about men's mental health is that men don't want to talk. Men do want to talk, but they need the right conditions: safety, trust, and someone who gets it. Once those conditions are met, the floodgates often open."

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Why Men Don't Seek Counselling (And Why They Should)

The Masculinity Trap

From an early age, many boys learn that certain emotions are acceptable (anger, frustration) whilst others are not (sadness, vulnerability, fear). Phrases like "man up," "boys don't cry," and "stop being soft" become embedded in our understanding of what it means to be male.

These messages don't disappear in adulthood. They morph into internal beliefs: I should be able to handle this myself. Asking for help means I've failed. Real men don't need therapy. These thoughts, whilst understandable given our cultural conditioning, can be profoundly damaging.

The irony is that refusing help often leads to exactly what men fear most: losing control. Unaddressed mental health issues don't simply vanish; they intensify, affecting work performance, relationships, physical health, and overall quality of life.

The Physical Health Connection

Here's something many men don't realise: mental and physical health are inextricably linked. The British Heart Foundation (2024) reports that men experiencing depression or chronic stress have significantly higher rates of cardiovascular disease. Unmanaged anxiety can manifest as tension headaches, digestive problems, and persistent muscle pain.

Yet men are far more likely to see a GP about physical symptoms than emotional ones. I've lost count of the number of male clients who initially presented with what they thought were purely physical complaints—chronic back pain, sleep problems, constant fatigue—only to discover through our work together that these symptoms were rooted in unprocessed trauma or prolonged stress.

Your body keeps the score, as the saying goes. When we ignore our emotional wellbeing, our bodies find other ways to get our attention.

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What Counselling for Men Actually Looks Like

Let me dispel another myth: counselling isn't about lying on a couch whilst someone takes notes and says "and how does that make you feel?" every five minutes.

A Collaborative Approach

At its core, individual counselling is a collaborative relationship between you and your therapist. I work from a humanistic perspective, which means I believe you are the expert on yourself. My role isn't to tell you what to do or fix you—it's to provide a safe, non-judgemental space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences at your own pace.

For many men, this is a revelation. You're in control. You decide what to talk about, how deep to go, and what your goals are. Some sessions might involve practical problem-solving; others might focus on understanding patterns from your past that are affecting your present. There's no one-size-fits-all approach.

What Actually Happens in Sessions

A typical session lasts 50 minutes. We might start with what's been happening since we last met—perhaps a difficult situation at work, a row with your partner, or simply a sense of unease you can't quite name.

I use an integrative approach, drawing from Person-Centred therapy (which emphasises empathy and unconditional positive regard), Gestalt (focusing on present-moment awareness), and Transactional Analysis (helping you understand relationship patterns). This flexibility means I can adapt to your specific needs rather than forcing you into a rigid therapeutic framework.

Some men prefer to jump straight in, whilst others need time to build trust. Both are completely valid. Therapy works at your pace, not mine.

Short-Term or Long-Term?

This depends entirely on your goals and circumstances. Some men find that 8-12 sessions give them the tools they need to navigate a specific life transition or manage anxiety. Others—particularly those working through trauma or long-standing patterns—benefit from longer-term work spanning several months or even a year.

There's no pressure to commit to a specific timeframe upfront. We review progress regularly and adjust as needed. The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a model for healthy connection, which many men find surprisingly valuable.

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Common Issues Men Bring to Therapy

Whilst every person's experience is unique, certain themes emerge frequently in my work with male clients:

Work and Identity

For many men, their sense of self is closely tied to their professional identity and ability to provide. When redundancy strikes, career progression stalls, or burnout sets in, the impact can be devastating—not just practically, but psychologically.

I've worked with successful professionals who outwardly appeared to have it all together but internally were falling apart, unable to shake the feeling that they were frauds about to be found out (hello, imposter syndrome). Others have struggled with the realisation that the career they've built no longer aligns with who they are or what matters to them.

Relationship Difficulties

Many men find it easier to discuss practical problems than emotional ones, but relationship issues often bring both into sharp focus. Perhaps you're struggling with intimacy, communication has broken down, or you keep repeating the same unhelpful patterns across different relationships.

Individual therapy (as opposed to couples counselling) allows you to explore your own attachment style, communication patterns, and the beliefs you hold about relationships without your partner present. This can be incredibly liberating and lead to significant shifts in how you relate to others.

Anger and Emotional Regulation

Anger is often called a "secondary emotion" because it frequently masks something else—hurt, fear, shame, or vulnerability. Many men come to therapy because their anger feels out of control, affecting their relationships, work, or even leading to legal issues.

Through counselling, we explore what sits beneath the anger. What are you really feeling? What needs aren't being met? How did you learn to express (or not express) difficult emotions? This work can be transformative, helping men develop a broader emotional vocabulary and healthier ways of managing intense feelings.

Loss, Grief, and Life Transitions

Bereavement, divorce, health diagnoses, becoming a father, ageing parents—major life transitions force us to confront our vulnerability, often at times when we're expected to "stay strong" for others.

Many men struggle in silence during these periods, believing they should cope without support. Yet these are precisely the times when therapy can provide invaluable space to process complex emotions and navigate uncertain waters.

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How Trauma Affects Men Differently

The "Broken-Record Loop"

Many men I work with describe feeling stuck in what I call the "broken-record loop"—repeating patterns of thought, behaviour, or belief rooted in past trauma or difficult experiences.

This might manifest as:

• Constantly expecting the worst to happen (hypervigilance)
• Difficulty trusting others or forming close relationships
• Self-sabotaging behaviours that feel beyond your control
• Emotional numbness or disconnection from yourself
• Intrusive thoughts or flashbacks you can't switch off
• Relationship patterns that keep repeating despite your best intentions

Trauma doesn't always look like what you see in films. It's not just combat veterans or survivors of extreme violence (though these experiences are undoubtedly traumatic). Trauma can result from childhood emotional neglect, bullying, witnessing domestic violence, prolonged stress, sudden loss, or any experience that overwhelms your ability to cope at the time.

How Men Cope (And Why It Often Doesn't Work)

Men are more likely than women to cope with trauma through:

• Avoidance: Burying themselves in work, excessive exercise, or other activities
• Substance use: Relying on alcohol or drugs to numb difficult feelings
• Anger: Using rage as a shield against more vulnerable emotions
• Risk-taking: Seeking adrenaline to feel something or prove invulnerability
• Emotional withdrawal: Isolating from partners, family, and friends

These coping strategies might work in the short term—they're often survival mechanisms that served a purpose at one time—but they become problematic when they're your only tools and when they start causing more problems than they solve.

Breaking Free Through Trauma Therapy

Trauma work is, I won't lie, hard and slow. It can't be rushed. But it's also deeply rewarding when you begin to experience yourself differently—less reactive, more in control, genuinely present rather than always scanning for threats.

In trauma therapy, we work at your pace to:

1. Build safety and trust in the therapeutic relationship
2. Understand how past experiences are affecting your present
3. Develop awareness of triggers and automatic responses
4. Practice new ways of relating to difficult emotions
5. Gradually process traumatic memories in a controlled, safe way
6. Reclaim your agency and sense of self

The goal isn't to erase the past—that's impossible—but to change your relationship with it so it no longer controls your present or limits your future.

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Finding the Right Therapist: What Men Should Look For

Not all therapists will be the right fit, and that's perfectly normal. Here's what to consider:

Credentials Matter

Look for a therapist who is registered with a professional body like the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy). This ensures they meet specific training standards, have professional insurance, adhere to ethical guidelines, and engage in ongoing supervision and professional development.

Therapeutic Approach

Different therapists use different approaches. Humanistic, integrative therapists (like myself) tend to emphasise the therapeutic relationship and work collaboratively with you. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focuses more on challenging thought patterns and changing behaviours. Psychodynamic therapy explores how your past shapes your present.

There's no objectively "best" approach—it depends on what resonates with you and what you're hoping to achieve.

The Importance of "Fit"

Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes. You need to feel safe, heard, and understood.

Many therapists (including myself) offer a free introductory call or initial consultation. Use this opportunity to ask questions: What's your experience working with men? How do you work with [specific issue]? What can I expect from our sessions together?

If something feels off, that's valuable information. It's completely acceptable to meet with multiple therapists before deciding who to work with.

Practical Considerations

Location and format: I offer both in-person sessions in Fulham, South West London (SW6), and online sessions via Google Meet. Online therapy offers flexibility and convenience whilst maintaining the same quality of therapeutic support.

Cost: Counselling is an investment in your wellbeing. Fees vary, but expect to pay between £50-£100 per session in the UK, depending on location and the therapist's experience. Some therapists offer a limited number of reduced-fee slots.

Availability: Consider when you can realistically attend sessions. Evening and weekend appointments are often available but may book up quickly.

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Taking the First Step: How to Start Counselling

The first step is often the hardest, especially if you've never sought help before or have had a negative experience with mental health services in the past.

What to Expect From Your First Session

Initial sessions are about getting to know each other and establishing whether we're a good fit to work together. I'll ask about what's brought you to therapy now, a bit about your background and current circumstances, and what you're hoping to gain from our work together.

You don't have to share everything in the first session—or ever, actually. We move at your pace. It's completely normal to feel anxious, uncertain, or even a bit sceptical. Many men describe feeling nervous before that first appointment but relieved afterwards, often commenting: "That wasn't as bad as I expected" or "I wish I'd done this sooner."

"But I Don't Even Know Where to Start..."

This is incredibly common. You know something's not right, but you can't quite articulate what or why. That's absolutely fine—figuring that out together is part of the process.

Sometimes men book that first session simply because their partner suggested it, or because they've noticed themselves becoming increasingly irritable, withdrawn, or overwhelmed. You don't need to have everything figured out before you start.

Confidentiality and Trust

Everything discussed in therapy is confidential except in rare circumstances where there's risk of serious harm to you or someone else. This confidentiality is protected by law and professional ethical guidelines. What you say stays in the room (or in the virtual room, for online sessions).

For many men, knowing they have a space where they can be completely honest without judgment, consequences, or having to manage someone else's reactions is transformative in itself.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if I need counselling?

If you're asking this question, counselling might be worth considering. More specifically, counselling can help if you're experiencing persistent low mood, anxiety, relationship difficulties, trauma symptoms, life transitions that feel overwhelming, or simply a sense that something's not quite right. You don't need to be in crisis to benefit from therapy—in fact, early intervention often prevents issues from escalating.

Will counselling really help, or is it just talking?

Research shows that counselling and psychotherapy are effective treatments for a wide range of mental health issues. A 2024 study published in The Lancet Psychiatry found that talking therapies significantly reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety with benefits lasting well beyond the end of treatment. But beyond research, I see the evidence weekly: men reconnecting with their partners, managing work stress without falling apart, breaking patterns that have held them back for years, or simply feeling more like themselves again.

What if I find it hard to open up about emotions?

This is completely normal, especially for men who haven't had much practice articulating feelings. A skilled therapist won't pressure you or make you feel inadequate for finding this difficult. We build trust gradually, and you'd be surprised how much easier it becomes once you're in a genuinely non-judgemental space. Many of my male clients initially worried they'd have "nothing to say" but discovered that once they felt safe, the words came more easily than expected.

How long does counselling take?

This varies enormously depending on your goals and what you're working on. Some men find 8-12 sessions helpful for addressing a specific issue or developing coping strategies. Deeper work—particularly around trauma, long-standing patterns, or complex relationship issues—typically requires longer-term commitment, perhaps 6-12 months or more. We review progress regularly and you're always in control of whether to continue.

Is online counselling as effective as face-to-face?

Yes. Multiple studies have confirmed that online therapy (when delivered by qualified therapists via secure video platforms) is as effective as in-person sessions for most issues. Some men actually prefer online sessions—no commuting, more scheduling flexibility, and the comfort of being in your own space can help you relax and open up. The therapeutic relationship is what matters most, not whether we're in the same physical room.

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Final Thoughts: You Don't Have to Navigate This Alone

There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes from struggling in silence—feeling like you're the only one who can't cope, that everyone else has it figured out, that admitting you're finding things hard somehow makes you less of a man.

But here's the truth: seeking help doesn't make you weak. It makes you honest. And that honesty—with yourself first, and then with a therapist who can hold that honesty without judgement—is often the first step toward genuine change.

You don't have to wait until things reach crisis point. You don't have to have everything figured out before you pick up the phone. You just have to be willing to take that first step.

If you're reading this and recognising yourself, perhaps it's time to stop trying to handle everything alone. Individual counselling for men isn't about being fixed—it's about being seen, heard, and supported whilst you figure out your own path forward.

That's not weakness. That's courage.

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Take the Next Step

If you're considering counselling, I offer a free 15-minute introductory call where we can discuss what you're experiencing and whether therapy might help. No pressure, no obligation—just a chance to ask questions and see if we might be a good fit to work together.

Sessions are available in-person in Fulham, South West London (SW6), or online via Google Meet for clients across the UK.

Book your free introductory call today

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Sources & Further Reading

• Office for National Statistics. (2024). Suicides in England and Wales: 2023 registrations
• Mental Health Foundation. (2024). Men and Mental Health
• British Heart Foundation. (2024). Mental Health and Your Heart
• British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. Finding a Therapist
• The Lancet Psychiatry. (2024). Effectiveness of psychological therapies for depression and anxiety